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Writer's picturezephaniah chesterfield

poem: Toys of Collette

Updated: Jul 19, 2020

So, i guess i write a lot of things on napkins on planes. That, or on cardboard chunks cut from boxes in stores while working graveyard shifts because sometimes you forget to pack the post-it pad in your pocket to get down all the stuff that roams your mind while your body is in overdrive during one of your peak performance hours... a waste of life if you ask me. Yeah, it's living, but a waste of life, jobs. Picture being in the perfect place, the ideal conditions for writing, and how much you can get accomplished when in "your place", with your whole vibe going. It's like pure unchained, fully expressible "YOU", in it's most raw form, being hammered out and understood, growing, moving, being.... Now, take all of those smiles you just had, all of that energy, all of the ideas, and shove it in a stockroom, or put it on guard duty, or let it drive across the country in a blizzard and then a hurricane, so what you were thinking to do for your self you can't remember, but you at your best is fully utilized for someone else's purpose, so they can pay you not enough money to be you. The most productive times i've ever had was between jobs, or doing jobs where there was little to no money. Just service to the people which allowed room for personal development, because can't nobody really tell you shit if they ain't paying you. You just tell them, "Well pay me then." Pretty effect up, too, how money is muscling in on God's territory, which is actually the territory given to you to be you freely, but no one see's it as that. Folks'll get it after they get it, and the other side is "this side"... maybe. Everything is something to do.


Nah, i don't know the guy in the picture. I was just doodling. It wasn't meant to be anyone or represent any real life incident... so if it DOES, then it was purely coincidental and unintentional. Sometimes you gotta make disclaimers like that. Folks who know some toys who've offed themselves get that "sue time" itch now and then, and wanna sue everyone for using someone's likeness... I just doodled a frickin toy, man. It ain't nobody I've met. It ain't no kinda voodoo shit, dig me? It's just a drawing that expresses what was going on in the words kinda. I know a lot of times things that get written, and even moreso recorded or spoken, end up crossing over. Vibration is like that. Vibration is energy and it has to be absorbed by something. It has to hit something. You put the energy out, and it just moves. Sometimes it just keeps moving, yeah, but usually it'll bounce off something and come back some kinda way. Can't tell you how many songs we've done that actually came true. Even if in writing the song, only half of it was true experiences, and the rest based on discussions with whomever, it came true later on... like personally. It's trippy, but i get it. So, yeah, be careful with what comes out of your mouth... stuff you give your energy to and mix wit your vibration.


Ah, dig it, like this for instance... If you say, "I AM STARVING!" then you feel a little more hungrier than you were. You're making your mind. Now, all you did was take a vibration that was there, HANNNNGRY, and give it some of your own vibration and energy by entertainment, entertaining the spirit/thought of BEing hungry.... you took the spirit of hungry and applied it to your self. Now, regardless of how hungry you are, you ain't starving. Unless you just escaped a cult or are from some 3rd world country... on the 1 world... or been locked in some kinda sex-camp in the attic or something, so, i seriously doubt you are actually physically starving. But here's how energy works. Your body lets you know you need more fuel. That enters your mind. You could cut it there by saying, "Hmm... need food." and that would be it, but to add more thought or emotion to it you give the hunger more energy, more power, and you color it with your own mind... so you begin to think of how hungry you are, and have more thoughts and feelings about it. Your focus, for however long, and however many times you return to it, is on "I'm STARVING" which sends more signals, which makes you react more... you're building your own hurricane. Spirits are dicks like that sometimes. Everyone loves attention. The more attention you give to a spirit or way of being, or way to express your being so you can paint a more detailed picture of your self so you understand your self "better" (the simple form is "I AM" period, and just let it be), then the more attention and focus it wants... you give it living... BEing through your Being. Anyways, whatever for that, you ain't starving. But, just showing you how stuff you say you give momentum, energy, YOUR energy, and so you think it's you, but it's just it using your energy with you focused on it. Just shift your focus back to whatever else. Easier said than done? There we go with that speaking things into existence again....


Lot of stuff in that guy's head, eh? It happens. You might put your eye out... or it might just pull out on it's own, chasing things to focus on. Plenty of distractions in this place. Of course, it's supposed to be that way. This place is a distraction. All a big hall of mirrors, but damn if it don't get personal. Thoughts and feelings are the biggest distractions here. That whole perception thing. Making your own mind is the first sin, but it's a direct reflection of the whole game in a nut's shell. In the beginning, "Let there be light" came after the creation of Heavens and the Earth... so AFTER DIVISION, there came the want to understand what was divided. No NEED to understand it, because if there's just you, there's nothing to understand but you. So to understand the you you already understand, you need to have a you that's not you to understand. So take the heavenly part and separate it from the earthly part. Both parts are you, but at least this way you can look at your self. So dividing your self, you make... your... mind. You create another way of being for your self.... That just echoes from there. The fall of Satan and the angels, was just them dividing from the heaven to the earth, lowering vibration from the one mind, and then MAKING THEIR MINDS a separate thing, of a lower level or lower way of being. Adam in the garden... he was hustled into making his mind, "knowledge of good and evil" which is just understanding of light and dark, fullness and lack/void... If you are ONE, there is no lack, no space between, you are connected. Void is space, Nakedness is lack of covering which means outside of... or in space, out in the open (open space)... you lack connection, you lack the oneness you had. Your mind becomes aware of the space between the mind of oneness and your individual self you just made when you separated your self from the oneness... you made... your mind. So in that, every bit of conscious interaction is judgmental, rooted in perception.... it's disconnected. All of it you're making your mind. Whether you decide to make it by doing what someone else says or doing what you said, either way you made your mind to do that. To best make your mind you'd have to know you, which requires time and freedom. Those are things you fight for since every thought and emotion is coming at you to get your attention so you make your mind into what they say. It gets you being more them and less your self. But fuck all that.


Sometimes in relationships things get like this. Wait, what am i talking about... EVERYTHING is relationships, so EVERYTHING is like that. Hahahahahaha. But folks think if it's not with a conscious being that it's not a relationship or less of one. You do have a relationship with gravity. It will tell you if you try to fly off of a ledge. You have a relationship with your shirt, or the lack thereof. But whatever, dig it, PERSONAL relationships (which every relationship is because it's between two individual things) get the label "relationships" because of how the perception, judgment, mind making about the space between, the division of you and that other what or who ever, plays out. So, long story short, you mainly notice and give credit to other conscious beings messing with your mind, which messes with your being... or how someone else made you think and/or feel, dig me? Your mind. All in all, you choose these things, which shows, again, how tricky it is. However, falling for the trick feels like less responsibility when negative vibes (ones where you're supposed to learn, "Go the other way, get back to being you... this is conflicting with you being you...") because you can blame your holding onto and entertaining negative energy on them, plus dance around in imagination and speculations and a bunch of other mind, time, and life and self wasting shit that's just fun on some sub-conscious level because it draws out the experience of being you, and let's face it.... the more you can fit into your time, the more full you feel your living is. Purely being you is kinda bland. If you're everything at once, it's kinda uneventful. So, make minds, break everything up into parts that are so specific you can call them individual elements, and atoms, and cells, frequencies.... every thing that exists, but individually. There are so many combinations you can bounce around in that infinitely, until all ways to be are expressed. And i'm gonna shut up with that part there.


So while making all of this mind, folks get into relationships with other people. Easy to do, dig me? Shoot, you do it without trying. Sit next to someone on a bus. Relationship. Might be an awkward quiet one, where you both mind your own business to be "polite" so you can just get to where you gotta go... but still, that's what it is. When it comes to people you "are in a relationship with", folks tend to concentrate on completing one person or the other. You're already a complete person, and someone who is not you cannot complete you. If this was the case, your incomplete self would have needed that one specific person since birth, and when you were first born, they would have put you on a machine that supplied whatever that other person that completes you provides, until you were old enough to have that person do it... and they'd ween you off the supplemental person, or robot, hahahaahhaaha... like getting a new cellphone. Copy all your mind history and apps and programming over to the new mind. Whatever tho, dig it, it's NEVER a good idea to invest that much of your own being into someone who is not you. And if you do, remember, they're not you. Period. However far you take it, and whatever you get out of it, remember, they were NOT there at one point, and at some point will NOT be there again. Even if you die in each others' arms.... when you hit the other side... guess who's not still holding onto you. Ah, but guess who's with you? YOU ARE. If you can look at minds as toys, which this is kinda pointing at, avatars or whatever... like creating a business person... then at least own your self. Don't be someone else's toy. Make your own mind. And be mature about it. The best way to be in the best position to do this (and yes, "best" is judgmental to say, but what isn't judgmental when you have a mental to judge?) is to understand as much as you can.


So that's that.


"toys of collette" - the zephaniah chesterfield project

"[Jack] he blamed Collette

all the disrespect and neglect

just a puppet at heart

a trend of friends

@ best.

so what the heck, lets

play the game...

we're all toys anyway"











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