Pup It Masher.... (Some vampire bar in the Xis)

Was at a bar one night, right.... yeah, big surprise there.... anyways, was in a zombified vampyre bar, no Charlie wasn't there. Not Draghoul's. I found THIS one on my own. Happy accident. You know how it's kinda a about to rain night? Like there's that wet look to the streets, but it ain't raining... mighta just stopped? I wasn't paying attention if it was or not. I was doing ma thang, and then felt the urge to go out and sip on something, kinda distance my self from myself for a sec... kinda get a better look at where i'm is and what i'm is doing. Sometimes you gotta do that, clear your head. You get a bunch of emotions seeing how the world is moving and you gotta get out for a sec, detach, dig me? So, yeah, nice night, clear air... like rain cleared. Them cool reflections under the orangish street lights, and that plastic peeling sound of cars driving thru the few puddles and slick track that was just laid down. I dig the rain because of that, that whole cleansing thing. It also pushes everyone away. Folks all shut up inside their holes because they don't wanna get wet. Funny how folks can get rained on and then feel wet, so they wanna jump in the shower to clean it off. I go walking then. Alleys and dark streets... stray cats, kicking bottles and trash down the sidewalks and abandoned lots of rubble that used to be happy homes and busy money making jobs someone hated. Memories of "better" cities and neighborhoods, piles of the good old daze. Sometimes you come up on some place with the right neon lights in the window, a place you've passed a few times over, maybe even said to yourself, "Hmmm.... wonder what's in there? I'll go in one of these days... too busy right now." You hear some music or odd laughter coming from the inside, maybe the tv or pool tables clacking around. Heavy old door creaks open and slams shut as some waitress or bartender slips out, packing that cig box, posting up against the wall under their own dramatic lighting, maybe out back by the dumpsters... gives you a nod as you walk by.

Anyways, so i'm sitting at the bar, and it smelled ok for a vampyre bar, better than most of them. Folks would think they smell like blood, or leathery and musty from all of the old skin or whatever, but you forget, these are very aristocratic folks a lot of them, so it's usually a bunch of high end colognes and scents in there... smells rich. This one smelled like a regular bar. So this kid next to me, and i'm talkin "Kid" by Vampire standards, said he was like 200 something, was asking me about being a clown. Is it fun... Is it lonely or depressing... Do cops mess with you a lot... Hard to get work? Legit stuff. Not that bullshit people ask usually, "Are you an evil clown?" As if i would say "Yes! Of course! Aren't ALL CLOWNS EVIL!?!?! In fact i'mma kill you right here and now in front of everyone because i'm evil like that. Sit still a sec..." if i was. I'm not, but that's just dumb. I says what i normally says, which is what it is, which is, "It is what it is. Some folks get it, some folks don't. But honestly everyone gets it, they just get what they get. Like Christmas, sometimes you get nothing, even when you got a lot." It's like any other thing between consciousnesses and skins. You're a consciousness in skin, right, and you're just trying to let all of the world, which is the same thing, understand that while figuring out that same thing for your "self". Same as being black, the other thing i am other than a clown, which is funny because people see the clown and fear that. Nice to not be feared just because you're black sometimes. Funny to be feared by what you're seen as, not for who you are. Perception is everything. Even what you understand is a perception. A lot of folks think they got that, so they did. See? But yeah, being mistreated because of a reputation that ain't even yours...We toasted to that. It's kinda natural, i guess, that when you're toasting it up with a bloodsucker who's never been to law school or medical school, or involved with a corporation... or marketing.. or religion... now that i think about it, there really is a veeeerrrrrry fine line, and right now, i can't really see it. There are vampires of all walks actually... but, whatever... back to what i was saying, hahahaa... Do-over. Ha ha ha. Good old fashion do over. So, dig it, maybe it's natural when drinking with a vampire in a bar, shooting the breeze, to talk about good and evil. As natural as asking a clown about killing, eh? Whatevs. There's a lot of spiritual stuff that happens because of things that get put on people that they had nothing to do with. All with the best intentions. All out of love. Only problem is folks have hearts and minds of their own. Them hearts and minds cross paths with folk... they get into situations. Everything is perception in that. A lot of folks are born into situations, or do things because they didn't see or know any other way. A lot of things folks are in the moment, which is everything. Everything is in one moment or another. Loves, likes, life, spirits, moods, thoughts, or whoever you wanna put it on, just shits or sits on you till you break or just move in ways you're programmed to move in. All of it is for peace... just personally. So, good and evil, even tho they exist, they don't exist as far as them being people. People are people. We're all dealing with shit. Perception is judgment, but judgment is different that perception... there's an attitude that comes with it. Folks that talk about good and evil won't touch that sometimes. Being wrong sometimes to a lot of people is worse than being evil. But still... always an issue, this "Good and Evil." Bigger than religion. Has nothing to do with spirituality, not really. Spirits are what they are, ya dig, just like all things. They don't do no more good or evil than water being water. Especially if they do exist then God exists, because God is the ultimate judge of good and evil. However, if everything happens as a part of God's plan, and God made everything... ((looks over at evil)), Hey, I didn't put it there. But i was put here with it, or it was put here with us. Not up to us. Not up to good and evil. They were just spit out here. Like us. Like everything and everyone.... and i do mean EVERYONE. Ain't no good or evil, except for those spirits which are in fact "Good" and "Evil" and that's all they can and will ever be, no matter what your perception is of them. All judgments honestly dealt, no matter what the emotion or logic behind them, dig me? Just circumstances and the reactions to them. Perceptions of them. Things change so fast you'll swallow your words and judgments three times in opposite directions before you blink. Not that we settled on this conclusion, but we were both of that same kinda mind frame, ya know? Just talking about how similar we were in a lot of ways. One thing we talked about, and i still think about it now and then, even chopped it up with a few folks here and there... just an interesting thing i guess, to me anyways... was about the relationship of spirits and souls... spirits to souls. That's a deep thing. Again going off of how none of us asked for this, but in a sense it's all inevitable anyways. Here's where we were different in opinion, but the same, and the point was pointed out pretty on point.... "Where did the game start?!" So, dig it, one way to look at it is souls are the conscious beings that give validation to spiritual beings. Spiritual beings help give validation to conscious beings. So that means that souls exist. Spirits exist. Souls have a consciousness and free will. Spirits may be conscious, to different degrees, but the free will part is limited... if it's there at all. So the souls also have bodies and power of choosing spirits. Spirits do not have bodies, but are manifested or expressed through the bodies souls possess. So Spirits need conscious bodies, souls, to make a deal with them to express them. The soul gets to move in a spirit, the spirit gets to have some kinda being, some kinda energy outside of just existing. That we agreed on. We got to talking about if beings void of consciousness deal with spirits at all. The only way to find out would be to ask one. That would make it conscious if it answered, because it would have to be aware of you asking, and then process it all to form an answer, and choosing to answer is also a conscious decision. It was an interesting and fun conversation. I love stuff like that. He was telling me about how folks born into vampyrism were born in and of that spirit, and how folks who turned had to relinquish spirits to adopt and be inducted into the spirit of vampyre. Sometimes spirits work together, and one of the most powerful ones, he says is the Human Spirit. THAT i was digging heavily. I was like, "Now you're speaking my language!" Talkin my kinda stuff to me. And it was honestly dealt too. Vampires have that "mind control" thing, some jedi stuff they can do. Charlie has it a little but she hardly does it. It's not her spirit... besides, she's only half vampire. Full vampires are about feeding, that lust, that thirst. It's not all they'e about, but they're pretty vain and pretty self-indulgent. A lot of them is purely about them. It's the spirit. So they'll draw you in and get you under control so you can do what they want... feeding on you again, but mentally. It's that spirit. Sucking everything down. This kid was pretty cool tho. None of that stuff. Straight shooter. I gotta say, most folks i've met at bars and dealt with were pretty straight up and down... one way or another. Assholes or saints, no matter how rough around the edges. They were honest in their being. So he says that way back when, there was everything, and the conscious part is the part in the light because it's aware of everything. It was also expressing everything, so the energy of all that awareness and action was just a bunch of blurred expressions moving so fast it was just light. One of the things the consciousness was aware of was ignorance, void or lack,and the importance of it. So, then it would see lack, it would focus on expressing nothingness. So if consciousness is a light, and you're in an all white room full of light everywhere, then you're conscious of everything because you see all. Then you become conscious of needing to be aware of nothing, because everything's full. So you turn the lights out. So you want to understand things, like one at a time. So you focus a spotlight or flashlight. Everything is still there, it's just the lights are out, and all you can see now is whatever the flashlight hits. Like if you stood in an all dark room and flashed a flashlight on a floor full of crap. You can see all of the crap on the floor, but one thing at a time as the little focused beam touches on and dis-covers one thing at a time. Consciousness. The non conscious part, the void, remained peacefully in the darkness, or the lack. It's the lack of awareness of everything. The everything is there, just no awareness of it. One of the things that happened is that the energy of consciousness, the awareness, the friction between point A and point B, the connection, the relationship... THAT part is the drug to conscious beings. They want more of that. The focus of it is like the control of it. It's given to you... feeds you. Vampyre was a victim of this, he says. I says, "How and why do spirits think they are victims, and victims of what?" and he says, "Consciousness. It kills everything. Gives it living, not life, because it was already there, but it starts boxing things up, cutting things off... diluting and lying... even when it don't wanna...." So i'm thinking that knowledge is power, knowledge applied seeds and feeds wisdom and all that shit, right, so wth?! And so he hits me with, "To be or not to be is only a question for the conscious. Non conscious just is. Its the answer. It's being and not being, both at once." Pretty amazing concept. I dug it. It's like, ok, to be free, you just have to be void of all things, yet since you're void of it, you still are a part of it because void is still a thing-- part of ALL things, so you're being... but not. You're like space, or air. Folks can't see space, only what's in the space. You can't see air, but you feel it and live on it. You can tell when they're there, and not, but they don't show any signs of them having a "self" to care if you see or feel or know them or not. Space is just space, period. Air is just air. That shit tripped me out. Also trippy is the blend of wine i was drinking... which was actual insect "blood". Some of the vamps have an "organic" thing going, they have all these crazy blends and strains... like growing weed. I gotta ask Charlie about it, but she's only half, and she never really talks about either half-- the angel half or the vampire half. Actually, we all just see Charlie as a Charlie, and that's it. It's cool to be a person what's seen as you, and that's all, ya know? But, yeah, dig... so he was saying how there's Consciousness and Void, which are under BEING. Some of that is my explanation, I say BEING and VOID and LIGHT, he was saying THAT WHICH IS (Being) and The Deep (Void) and The Fire (Light). The polarity of reality came about from them. There's a conscious form of being of all things and a non conscious form. Unconscious means consciousness on pause, which means it can be unpaused. NON conscious means no consciousness was ever there at all. So... dealing with the conscious stuff, dig, he says that there was the purging, which is eternal. And so i'm like, "That don't sound good." And he's like, "There you go judging stuff... 'good' or 'bad'. It is what it is." And i'm thinking, BULLETS... i diggs it, but at the same time, wow, how do you keep that frame of mind ALL THE TIME, to which he responded, "I've been around the block a few times, a few times." and i laughed because he answered a question that i asked in my head, reminding me that some vampires can read minds. I guess the juice had us both loose. It's considered rude, Charlie told me, to do a lot of things you CAN do as a vampire just to impose your own will... human is no different. But ok, so the purging thing he says is that the light is on. Once the consciousness switch was flipped, that hunger, that fire... it just burns. Forever. All you as the conscious portion/half can do is turn your energy over to the other part of your being, the black mirror part-- the non conscious part... mostly by being unconscious. That's the power humanity has, he said. Cause the human spirit is a conscious one that sees... it uses the fire but pays no attention to it, and everything is just seen as it is what it is. Then the other consciousnesses got in on it, the spirits, and like the spirit of humanity they dig on that conscious vine and vibe, and they drink it DEEP. So, they all seek to do what he said the spirit of "gods" do... make men in their image, to want what they want, feed them, keep the focus on them. Vampyre was a part of this. Then there was a whole war of spirits and souls and levels of things... very ugly he said. I says, "There YOU go... judging things... 'Ugly'??!" And we laughed and drank a lot more. Played some music on the jukebox. A little Booker T. and the MG's... some Question Mark & the Mysterians. Shot some pool. Did some shots. Folks came and went. It was a normal night. Pretty cool. Funny, he said i would do well as a vampyre. A lot of folks have been looking to get me to join their groups lately, not that he was suggesting to join up, but just saying, you know. Couple of religions and cults... sects... Rosecrutions, Knights of Columbus, some other folks... Alls I'm tryna do is to escape my self thru that black mirror. Iris or 3rd. If i trusted the other side i'd have a blade for breakfast, but wherever you go.. there you are. Still. So... revelry in the blur. There's a bunch of songs in between. Some you heard. Some you really heard. Dig it. But things change, all the time. Everything is perception... even that.

thats a shell of a costume there buddy

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